The Trials and Tribulations of being an irrecoverably jaded Rogue Christian

People only escape cause they don’t want to see what they’re missing out on.

Some blind people just have all the luck in the world.

Drink up the end of that bottle of liver poison and kidney failure,

Down the hatch for the milligrams.

Back to the bittersweet land of sweaty palms and dysfunctional.

Alright, last stretch of the second last lap.

Photographs of teenage vows in the parking lot.

It’s funny how things start.

Funny how your own objects are now fueling the discomfort of it.

Pressuring the nausea of it in your chest.

Just the way secrets and plans feel.

It’s not an option to be here, it’s just how it is.

It’s no fun,

I don’t know why,

but that what was the first time I ever actually said,” waiting for life to begin” to any.

Especially in first-time conversations.

So sick of the father’s vineyard.

Greens, oranges and pinks.

The writers weren’t kidding but the good things will live in our hearts.
Always up or down, never down and out.

By the new moon,

We will have words.

This I promise to myself and to you.

No high pitches tonight, just monotony of stones.

- I heard that you went out last night and you looked beautiful. – The Spaceman.

I’ve been looking for a safe way out.

Silencers cause you to go down to paranoia park.

Ambush withheld throats that choke and stomachs that churn.

Bring out the big lies, I’m going to need to get some sleep.

A memory that was too strange to remember.

It isn’t new, it’s a relapse.

You don’t get to see the swimming pool until you’ve gone to the deep end.

Burning bridges is a form of suicide.

Abhorrence is clogging the arteries and veins. Flush out your brain.

And take a calmer or you’ll never function today.

I’m the inside of “I don’t care”.

I want to pick the mid-West home again.

Questions and words are blocking off the serotonin,

And beating so heavily in empty chests.

1 for now, 1 for later, 1 for emergencies.

Oh fuck, no more calmers, new prescription tomorrow.

Help me reset, no more cheap perfume.

From you and him.

From you and them.

From you and just you.

From all of them.

From the blackholes, tentacles and cycles.

If tomorrow goes as planned.

Well Plan A,

Fuck it for a weekend,

Going down, down in earlier round.

Give a finger to the town that never seems to stop.

Watch us until we blur, walk off into the sunset.

-If home is where the heart is, then we’re all just fucked.- The New Administrators.

We are going through a fake shift.

Do not get fooled by it.

This is the fast-food generation.

Shrinking by the milligrams.

When I’m home alone I just can’t stop myself.

Anxious about big plans and surprises? Yeah, me too.

It has to be rationed.

So palms, you don’t have to fill up the oceans right now.

I’ll go Wentzy tomorrow and the day after I’ll get Stumped.

Deeds to do tomorrow,

Things that are not liked,

Just pretend it’s not of,

Then tongues can be in throats where it shouldn’t be.

If only functioners were legalized.

Whatever.

Like the apathetic expectations of you.

I need some contraband,

Facebook makes me wish I was blind.

Do you remember me at all?

Oh dear, I am on my way tonight.

Big effort to get my 5 precious hours of ignorance.

The spaceman that can’t get high.

I doubt that the doctors are wrong.

Because this will solve every roadblock and dead-end.

If Lake-Shore Drive were in view, I’d jump into it.

Thy will keep pilfering from father’s vineyard.

Oh, get ready for a long one, the pen’s overflowing and smearing.

I must confess, I’m in love with my own sins.

Damn, why must the first song in the library be the first one shared?

She’s wearing the t-shirt of a band I really like.

Tonight, I’m as obvious as a prostitute should be because inhibitions are low.

So excuse the crude literature.

I’ve been looking for a safe way out.

Alright, Topman has good crotch space pants.

-Drink up, it’s last call, last resort but only the first mistake.- The ones misery love.

Retoxed.

Thunder of tragedy.

I’m sorry I never really took the time to get to know you.

Now I guess I’ll have to take the effort.

Pink elephant effect.

This is the best it’ll ever get, yeah get it up, give it up.

Digression.

Drunken stupor and medication.

To calm the fuck down, as some has said to me before.

Oh, endorphins and serotonin, thank you for running through me right now.

And my plans, my big plans. Stupid frown to smile method I did for Iman’s video-shoot.

Ok, I’m being abit too obvious now. May the Wentz control my pen.

Or I’ll be a Ben cause of my t-shirt.

Alright, that was a big time digression.

If this seems non-linear, it isn’t, just a consecutive mix of bad luck in the span of days that don’t end.

Days don’t end if you don’t sleep.

And ironically, today I pulled a total Wentz because of pilots that can’t wait to fly.

Which in a way, made me the above average level of functional and calm,

And so, yes, I was wrong when it was suppose to be done in the right way.

Once again, I’ve done what the business specializes in, fooling people like you.

What a bittersweet night.

I know this is recycled but:

I need to take a pill to make this town feel ok (and make me functional enough to talk).

Over to you, Mr. Sandman:

In the news(like real news, not the government controlled kind),

-The arrest in KJ.

-The fucking confusing three-way crossroad.

-The revealing of things that should not be told but in a way, it fits perfectly with plans.

-And I think I hurt my wrist, not the way you assume if you knew me.

-Tonight was strange.

-And if those who shouldn’t be reading and probably can’t find it and since it’s so confusing anyway, I get paranoid like Garbage.

Back to you, Mr. Benzedrine.

This is me signing off “I’m alright in bed but I’m better with a pen.”

-The longer I hide behind these lies, the more I disintegrate.- Broken Heart.

P.S. Does anyone know of that house in Subang which you can rent for a night?

P.S.S. What WAS he doing there?

P.S.S.S. You and you and you and you and blackholes and anchors and some tentacles are invited.

A circus of focused and unfocused,

Carni-folk.

Themed in black and white.

Black as holes get,

White as faces become.

Burning of throats,

Sweetness of headaches,

Floating.

Witches’ hats of statistics.

My pen seems to be pretty rusty today.

Everything we are going through, just how you like it.

Sleep and play for the wrong team.

Revelations for waves goodbye to normality.

Revelations for new shots at life.

Revealings of big plans.

Doubt as a tool of victory.

Am I a sunset to you yet?

Cause I’ve got one in my veins.

Hold that thought,

You’re still part of my machinations.

Nothing is warm for me and nothing is real for me.

It’s not disbelief, it’s a boycott.

Time to take a risk.

And under normal circumstances,

This would be an avalanche on the conscience

And a displacement of hearts.

But then again, Lake Effect Kid.

So no worries there.

I wear scarves and hoods cause it’s the only poker face that I’ve got left.

Don’t wake me up
Death is misleading.

So please don’t do something that’s going to be dragging back and thank yourself in the end.

Regressing and digressing,

Take a chance, let your body get a tolerance,
I’m not a chance but a heatwave in your pants.

And if it doesn’t.

Then fuck it.

-Death’s seen a double bed. Singing songs that could only catch the ear of the desperate.- The ones that mothers raise their babies to stay away from and pray they don’t grow up to be like.

10 dollar hill.

Free.

10 dollar thrill.

50 for 30.

Reset.

10 to 10 till free.

0 hours.

Try the once-in-awhile to hold onto it.

Pressure on the outside and inside.

Mentally and physically, of course.

Do you remember the first time?

I won’t.

And it’s all coming back causing the avalanches.

And then the second time of odds.

Digression,

A growing network of the kind.

High and dry.

Would-be and could-be extras of Skins.

If Craig were to do one of his portraits,

This would be erratic and chaotic but it’d also have the smaller ones and blocks just like his.

More and more Aarons and now Julies.

And it’s so very cold here,

We’re always sleeping in and sleeping for the wrong team.

No, I haven’t waited for a long time to use that line.

Not everyone has to know,

Especially those who are calling past midnight to request for extra cash to get out of a jam.

Wow, this is easy, and if you still don’t get it then you got to get some fish.

Oh sleep,
How thee be so precious to me.
As you are as fleeting as time,
As though you’d never be mine.

I miss the comfort of your lies and empty promises.

Fuck, where did the calmers go?

Shit, shit, shit.

Imagine if hate could be harnessed into energy.

There’s so much of it around anyway.

The best hook is the unnatural one inducing natural endorphins.

Alright, that photograph is a bittersweet one.

OK, now thing’s are slightly getting scarier.

Weird, weird, weird.

And why is it you can make up something catchy and with good hooks when you’re falling asleep?

Damn that place of oppression and metaphoric drugs.

So much loss,

So much incapability,

So much dysfunction.

So many letdowns and so much sunshine.

“Be patient, I am getting to the point.” – Spinning

P.S. The wrong lyrics are just discouraging and embarrassing.

Connect.

The last summer you’ll ever see and feel.

Welcome spring.

The lake effect is still effecting it.

To the places you’ll never go.

Going orange to red.

Lot lizard scales cool your night life moods.

And that’s the way the dreams go.

Sudden insignificants to everything.

Bring me down with tranqs,

Turn left at the end of this month,

It’ll be the last the stretch then.

Foot on pedals.

A feat to sinspire and amaze.

Yes, that’s on purpose.

And remind, no jumping the gun.

Then nobody gets to get off.

-Ashamed of the way the songs and the words own the beating of our hearts.-

The lies I weave are oh-so intricate.

Lambs to the slaughter.

Last night was the first time in quite awhile.

I need to take a pill to make this town feel ok.

But it isn’t enough.

Days to catch up with.

Running through the night.

Temptations of trying.

Tempted just to fail.

Hello regression.

How is it pulling it off?

I’m impressed by the capability of it.

Don’t worry, you aren’t the biggest sucker here.

Dead average.

Take flight and land another day. Take flight and fly forever.

It’s the good one I’m after.

Some don’t believe it.

Some are intervening.

Some find it good.

Sometimes people are just plain stupid.

Dying to be sane, living is just insane.

What a letdown.

It’s chaos of highways flowing and going back and forth.

Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills.

Vagueing as easily as fading.

Second last run.

- Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me. – The therapists pumping through my speakers.

PART 1: Doubt (check)

PART 2: Information (check)

PART 3:

Sorry, you’re gonna have to wait for the rest of that. Haha. – Peter W.

This just gets better by the moment.

Wa-wa-watch us until we blur.

And it’s going to be a real knee-slapper.

Walk off into the sunset.

Does it get more and more difficult to understand? Well, get a brain.

Tell rock and roll, I’m alone again.

Thanks for the material. This, I mean.

I want to pick the mid West home again.

Really the poster child for what is shared.

Your time has passed, they say never means never.

Thank God for stupid people.

So the fast dance won’t last but never means forever.

And I won’t forget.

And joke us, joke us.

You’re welcomed and invited.

I just want to come back to life.

Making amends,
And people I used to call friends.

Again and again and again and again, forever I’m a lake effect kid.

It’s going to be real good.

Till Lakeshore Drive comes back into focus.

Just a few more things to settle. Like.

- I got a pocket full of deadliness – The forced poster boys for the scene that aren’t making an acceptance speech.